Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.8
The world of Elegant Slackers have a new challenge to face. In this week's feature, we present a special report only ES magazine had the nerve to put to press, shedding light on a less desirable attribute of our elegant world. To offset the gravity of our report, the vocabulary enhancers and time killer are in their normal positions, so it's not all bad news this week! Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.
Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week
Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week
Special Report "What Are Your Shoes Saying?"
Look down...what do you see? Can you hear them? No, we aren't talking about the burritos you ate for lunch, we're referring to your shoes. Studies have shown that over 40% of proclaimed ES-ers have not bought a new pair of shoes in over 2 years. This appalling trend in the ES world only seems to be getting worse as the appeal of ES-ing grows. Footwear is one of the most important outward signs of professionalism and elegance. Your shoes are the one item of clothing that is visible in all areas of your work place. While seated, standing, walking, and even in the restroom, your shoes are telling people about you, where you've been, your style, your work ethic and so on. Sandy shoes are a telltale sign of beach going. Water logged kicks say to the world," Hey everybody, I like to dip my shoes in liquid!" Beyond the day to day maintenance required to keep these messages under wraps, the shoe itself can speak volumes about you which ultimately impacts your ES status.
Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer
"Book Hunter" Books are power. The knowledge and information contained in all the pages ever written is bountiful. Learning how to harness all this power is the job of an Elegant Slacker, or at least how to discuss, in theory, how that power might be used. If your workplace is anything like ours, it's probably chock full of books you've never read and probably never will. Today, we present a time killer that unleashes the latent slack in those piles of pages to help you kill some time. We call it the "Book Hunter." 1. Determine a leading author or book title for your field. Amazon.com can be a great reference for this preliminary work
2. Begin asking about this book with your co-workers. "Have you read it?" "What did you think?" being sure to lead up to "Do you have a copy?"
3. If a co-worker does not have the book ask if they know someone who might. Follow this lead.
4. Repeat steps 2 & 3 until book is found or all co-workers questioned. Notes: The more randomly selected your first point of inquiry is, the less likely you are to find the title you "seek." With this in mind, be sure to select a low probability owner (LPO). These people will typically: 1) be impressed with your initiative to be reading; 2) revere you as a smart person; 3) point you in a less likely direction for finding the book. A second note on this time killer. If you eventually discover a copy of the work, after having the book take up space on your desk long enough to talk about it with your supervisor and a few other co-workers, if the owner did not emblazon their name on the book, begin the "Reverse Book Hunter" where you attempt to hunt the owner of the book down to return it. Again, you will have the opportunity to discuss "this great book you just read," exude the appearance of collegiality, and be recognized as a person who returns things borrowed.
Word 1: baseline (n); baseline (v)
Meaning (n): normalization, standardization or basis, usually for later measurement
Meaning (v): to generate a normalization, standardization or basis, usually for later measurement
Example usage (n): We will be creating a baseline from which the project will continue to grow. Without a baseline, how will we know where we stand?
Example usage (v): After weeks of baselining, we are still working out the details of our position. Free baselining will not be tolerated, it needs to be a controlled activity with consensus throughout. Notes: Even if no measurements are going to be made, any undertaking needs a baseline. What form it takes, how it is reported and the elements it is comprised of are entirely arbitrary. The key is to simply have one.
Meaning (n): normalization, standardization or basis, usually for later measurement
Meaning (v): to generate a normalization, standardization or basis, usually for later measurement
Example usage (n): We will be creating a baseline from which the project will continue to grow. Without a baseline, how will we know where we stand?
Example usage (v): After weeks of baselining, we are still working out the details of our position. Free baselining will not be tolerated, it needs to be a controlled activity with consensus throughout. Notes: Even if no measurements are going to be made, any undertaking needs a baseline. What form it takes, how it is reported and the elements it is comprised of are entirely arbitrary. The key is to simply have one.
Word 2: decompose (v); decomposition (n)
Meaning (v): to break down or separate of a whole into its essential elements
Meaning (n): a breakdown or separation of a whole into its essential elements
Example usage (v): While I superficially understand your stated position of "no," I think we should decompose your response in order to better understand your intentions.
Example usage (n): This material isn't quite finished yet - I need to take it through another level of decomposition. Notes: This ES word gives the impression that the material has the "goodness" in it, but it needs to be extracted. Are you the one to do it?? If so, be sure that you are always "decomposing" and in the act of "working on the decomposition." An elegant slacker's work is never done.
Meaning (v): to break down or separate of a whole into its essential elements
Meaning (n): a breakdown or separation of a whole into its essential elements
Example usage (v): While I superficially understand your stated position of "no," I think we should decompose your response in order to better understand your intentions.
Example usage (n): This material isn't quite finished yet - I need to take it through another level of decomposition. Notes: This ES word gives the impression that the material has the "goodness" in it, but it needs to be extracted. Are you the one to do it?? If so, be sure that you are always "decomposing" and in the act of "working on the decomposition." An elegant slacker's work is never done.
Special Report "What Are Your Shoes Saying?"
Look down...what do you see? Can you hear them? No, we aren't talking about the burritos you ate for lunch, we're referring to your shoes. Studies have shown that over 40% of proclaimed ES-ers have not bought a new pair of shoes in over 2 years. This appalling trend in the ES world only seems to be getting worse as the appeal of ES-ing grows. Footwear is one of the most important outward signs of professionalism and elegance. Your shoes are the one item of clothing that is visible in all areas of your work place. While seated, standing, walking, and even in the restroom, your shoes are telling people about you, where you've been, your style, your work ethic and so on. Sandy shoes are a telltale sign of beach going. Water logged kicks say to the world," Hey everybody, I like to dip my shoes in liquid!" Beyond the day to day maintenance required to keep these messages under wraps, the shoe itself can speak volumes about you which ultimately impacts your ES status.
| Tassel Loafer |
 The tassel loafer is the classic in elegance. Typically featured in brown, burgundy or black, the tassel loafer speaks volumes towards the wearer's elegance. As you stride, the tassels "tap-tap" the tops of the highly polished, scuff free leather uppers. That sounds echoes through the annals of history and says to all within earshot," I'm here, I'm elegant." And to your trained ES ears, you also hear the soft, sweet and smug follow on of," Let's slack."
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| Classic Pump |
Unlike the tassel loafer, which can be a unisex shoe of elegance, the classic pump is strictly for female elegant slackers. The audible clicking accompanying each step announces your arrival. The lift provided by the heel, increases your height and may also have positive effects on other physical elements (e.g. calf, thighs, buttocks). Enhancing the Beauty Index is always a step towards increasing elegance. Color choices should be appropriately made so as to match wardrobe and accessory choices, as well as an awareness of seasonal norms. Additionally, ES research indicates that one should always think twice about the white pumps. The pump is a double edged sword that can have deleterious effects on your elegance if donned uncouthly. |
| Sneakers |
The sneaker can be a bane to your elegance. Casual Fridays are not something the Elegant Slacker can afford to indulge in lavishly. Sneakers should be avoided if at all possible, however, occasions might arise, for instance long distance traveling, or corporate "bonding" trips to public venues like baseball stadiums, which necessitate trainers. If the event calls for these rubber rascals, select something that is solidly white or black and leather. Canvas, brushed suede, rhinestones and other funky colors might make your feet tingle in the off hours, but during business hours, they may draw attention to you and your feet, ultimately inhibiting your ES-ing.
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| Flip-Flops |
Also called sandals, these open toed shoes are complete elegance killers. There is no circumstance this report can see which would justify wearing these atrocious foot adornments. With or without socks, the flip-flop is a no-no. It is important, however, to refrain from commenting on other people's choice for wearing such shoes. In today's "anything goes" workplace, those mentally instable enough to appear with flip-flops, are often part of the group which has earned what we've dubbed "eccentrically smart immunity." These are the people who are sooo smart (or give the appearance of being so), they can get away with being fashion grease fires,
exhibiting irreverence for social norms (e.g. flatulence, suspender wearing) and many other antics that are antithetical to all things an ES stands for. Beware.
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"Book Hunter" Books are power. The knowledge and information contained in all the pages ever written is bountiful. Learning how to harness all this power is the job of an Elegant Slacker, or at least how to discuss, in theory, how that power might be used. If your workplace is anything like ours, it's probably chock full of books you've never read and probably never will. Today, we present a time killer that unleashes the latent slack in those piles of pages to help you kill some time. We call it the "Book Hunter." 1. Determine a leading author or book title for your field. Amazon.com can be a great reference for this preliminary work
2. Begin asking about this book with your co-workers. "Have you read it?" "What did you think?" being sure to lead up to "Do you have a copy?"
3. If a co-worker does not have the book ask if they know someone who might. Follow this lead.
4. Repeat steps 2 & 3 until book is found or all co-workers questioned. Notes: The more randomly selected your first point of inquiry is, the less likely you are to find the title you "seek." With this in mind, be sure to select a low probability owner (LPO). These people will typically: 1) be impressed with your initiative to be reading; 2) revere you as a smart person; 3) point you in a less likely direction for finding the book. A second note on this time killer. If you eventually discover a copy of the work, after having the book take up space on your desk long enough to talk about it with your supervisor and a few other co-workers, if the owner did not emblazon their name on the book, begin the "Reverse Book Hunter" where you attempt to hunt the owner of the book down to return it. Again, you will have the opportunity to discuss "this great book you just read," exude the appearance of collegiality, and be recognized as a person who returns things borrowed.
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