Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.3

Welcome to 2006! We, at Elegant Slacker, hope it will be as slack-filled, but not any more than necessary, as 2005. Celebrating and promoting the best in mediocrity is our job here at Elegant Slacker and we thought you might think about some resolutions for the new year. This issue we'll give you some hints on small changes you can make to improve your elegance and your slacking. Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.

Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week

Word 1: drill-down (noun or verb)
Meaning (noun): long hard deep look; analysis
Meaning (verb): to examine in depth; to take a long hard deep look at something
Example usage (noun): After the meeting I will perform a drill-down on the final analysis Jim has provided.
Example usage (verb): We will need to drill-down into the details in order to determine if indeed you have been elegantly slacking.

Notes: As with many tasks the elegant slacker attempts, a drill-down should never come to completion. You may need to "drill deeper," "pause drilling," or perhaps "come to the surface and analyze the results of the drilling." Whatever your reason, "drill-down" and "complete" are like oil and water, never shall the two be mixed!

Word 2: clarify (verb) [clarity or clarification (noun)]
Meaning (verb): to restate or refine a point to enhance comprehensibility
Meaning (noun): a restatement or refined position on a point to enhance comprehensibility
Example usage (verb): Can you please clarify what the minimum success criteria for the task are?
Example usage (noun): Without clarification from the customer, I will be unable to proceed with my assigned task. Clarity can only be obtained through obsessive and successive drill-downs into the subject matter.

Notes: Clarity has been ranked by Elegant Slacker readers as one of the top defensive words for several years running. Asking for clarification on even the simplest assignments can lead to days if not weeks of slack, deferring those nasty time and attention consuming tasks. From a reader in Boise: "I simply asked my manager to clarify what he meant when he wanted the task 'finished' by Friday. Six weeks later, I'm still slacking away!"

---

Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week
"Defining the Elegant Slacker"

So what distinguishes the Elegant Slacker from an ordinary slacker? There is an important distinction that must be well understood. Below are some of the key characteristics that distinguish an Elegant Slacker from the ordinary:

1. Full employment: The term slacker is often associated with someone who is not motivated enough to find a job. An Elegant Slacker must be on the payroll, since the office workplace is the ideal environment in which to make the most of the work you don't do. Actually getting a job may take some effort - something contrary to Elegant Slacker principles. However, the interview process is an excellent forum for refining Elegant Slacker skills. (See the Newsletter, v.2 for some excellent vocabulary tips). Don't be discouraged during your employment search, however. Once you land that job, the slacking can begin in earnest.
2. No feedback: The disproportionate use of excuses is the trademark of the pedestrian slacker. Most novice slackers ultimately fall into the same pattern: sign up for a task, fail to perform the task, and then attempt to explain/justify the reason for failing. After a few repetitions of this cycle, they soon realize that they are exposed as slackers. They struggle to devise more believable excuses the next time. The cycle soon escalates to the point where the effort needed to contrive excuses can exceed that of the actual work.

   An Elegant Slacker never fails at anything, so there is no reason for excuses. There may be "new opportunities" that supercede the "old direction", or perhaps the current activities have reached their "full potential". The ultimate key to avoiding the use of excuses is, of course, to simply avoid accountability altogether. This is the hallmark of the true Elegant Slacker.

3. Greater purpose: The Elegant Slacker is far too important to be tasked with routine, everyday labor. Strategic thinkers and long-term visionaries cannot be distracted by everyday details. An elegant slacker is an "idea person," and great ideas take time to develop. Those around the Elegant Slacker, especially supervisors, naturally want to allow this time. They are enamored by the possibilities and want to see the great ideas come to fruition. The ultimate realization of the Elegant Slacker's potential is always just over the horizon.

---

Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer
"Whiteboard Wanderings"

Each week ES presents the latest in time killing tactics, techniques and technologies.

This week we present the "Whiteboard Wanderings" time killer.

1. Completely erase your whiteboard or get a big sheet of paper
2. Begin slowly drawing boxes, lines, letters and numbers
3. Before each stroke, pause to consider how elegant you look
4. At intervals, sit and stare at the whiteboard
5. Continue staring
6. Shake head, nod, make "Ahhh" noises, etc to dispel any neighbors from thinking you are slacking, sleeping or comatose
7. Return to step 1 or 2 as needed

Total time killed: ??? minutes
Notes: Whiteboard Wanderings are a great way to make you appear to be solving some of the company's hardest problems. Be sure to include buzzwords from meeting you might have attended. Consider using different colors to draw attention to these concepts as the managerial passerby will not bother to read the whole thing, but their eyes will be drawn to the highlighted concepts. This technique is also very effective if your handwriting is small, illegible or both. Then no one will be able to question what you've been working on, but it will seem as if you were doing a lot of thinking!