Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.1
Welcome to the end of another exciting week of elegant slacking. We hope it has been slackaliscious as we run up to the "busiest" time of year, the holiday season. This issue we'll give you some tips on Holiday slacking in addition to our normal bevy of weekly columns. Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.
Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week
Each week the editorial staff meets for several hours and pours over the ever expanding potpourri of nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. the English language offers. After heated debate, followed by a double blind quorum, 3/5th majority vote, our most important words that all elegant slackers should try and use were determined. Here are the committee's words for this week:
Word 1: Insight (noun)
Alternate form: Insightful (adjective)
Meaning: clear or deep perception of a situation; 2: a feeling of understanding; 3: the clear (and often sudden) understanding of a complex situation; 4: grasping the inner nature of things intuitively
Example usage: By performing an in-depth study of our competition I hope to gain insight into our potential growth areas.
Notes: Insight should always be coupled with it's cousin "gain." An elegant slacker is constantly "seeking insights," "hoping to gain insights," or "exploring insightful items," but never quite arriving at the full enlightened insight. Word 2: Inherent (adjective)
Alternate form: Inherently (adverb)
Meaning: existing as an essential constituent or characteristic; intrinsic
Example usage: Inherently, we want to prove that we can succeed. I have an inherent desire for success.
Notes: In its adverbial form, inherently can be used to start any sentence. When coupled with a dramatic pause, it can be a very effective way to prolong your time in the spotlight, collect your thoughts, or just ponder your next opportunity to slack.
Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week
"2005 Holiday Slack Guide" It's difficult to escape the hooplah around the holidays. The Elegant Slacker will cruise through these busy times though, seemingly effortlessly. Here are some tips to help you slack slide through the season.
Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer
Each week ES presents the latest in time killing tactics, techniques and technologies. This week we present the "Full House" time killer.
1. Take a book or folder of important documents
2. Head towards the closest bathroom
3. Enter bathroom
4. Before the door closes, exit
5. If anyone is in the hallway, sigh loudly and say "Full house"
6. Head in the direction of the furthest known bathroom in the same building
7. Walk slowly and purposefully
8. Briefly greet with a tap of the papers you are carrying, but do not stop, if you encounter a superior (platitudes about how busy or how much work you have are acceptable)
9. Arrive at destination bathroom
10. Repeat as necessary
Total time killed: ~5 minutes per loop (depending on proximity of bathrooms)
"Wrong Room" Variant: If you are a germophobe, you can accomplish the same effect by appearing to look for the conference room your latest meeting is being held in. Substitute "conference room" for "bathroom" and instead of saying "Full house" say "Wrong room."
Alternate form: Insightful (adjective)
Meaning: clear or deep perception of a situation; 2: a feeling of understanding; 3: the clear (and often sudden) understanding of a complex situation; 4: grasping the inner nature of things intuitively
Example usage: By performing an in-depth study of our competition I hope to gain insight into our potential growth areas.
Notes: Insight should always be coupled with it's cousin "gain." An elegant slacker is constantly "seeking insights," "hoping to gain insights," or "exploring insightful items," but never quite arriving at the full enlightened insight. Word 2: Inherent (adjective)
Alternate form: Inherently (adverb)
Meaning: existing as an essential constituent or characteristic; intrinsic
Example usage: Inherently, we want to prove that we can succeed. I have an inherent desire for success.
Notes: In its adverbial form, inherently can be used to start any sentence. When coupled with a dramatic pause, it can be a very effective way to prolong your time in the spotlight, collect your thoughts, or just ponder your next opportunity to slack.
"2005 Holiday Slack Guide" It's difficult to escape the hooplah around the holidays. The Elegant Slacker will cruise through these busy times though, seemingly effortlessly. Here are some tips to help you slack slide through the season.
- Seasons Greetings: The Elegant Slacker will always know how to wish any one of their diverse team members a happy holiday. Try some of these secular and elegant phrases in person on to add a personal touch to your holiday cards.
- Best wishes for this holiday season
- Happy holidays to you and your's
- Enjoy your winter break
- See you on the 26th! (especially effective with superiors) - Gift Giving: Your company is your friend. It can also be the source of amazing Christmas gifts for you, your subordinates and your loved ones. Slip a clock onto your next purchase order. Then have your administrative assistant wrap this gift and immediately gift it to them with the warmest holiday pleasantries you can muster.
- Company Party: If your company throws a holiday party, the Elegant Slacker must attend. Free food, free drink, free face time. Be sure to sit at a table with at least one of your managers. Such a low pressure situation will certainly provide an elegant slacker the time to talk about the thing they know most about, not work! Also use the scenario to commit others to awkward engagements that they'd only agree to under the influence of holiday cheer such as a golf "outing" or "power lunch."
2. Head towards the closest bathroom
3. Enter bathroom
4. Before the door closes, exit
5. If anyone is in the hallway, sigh loudly and say "Full house"
6. Head in the direction of the furthest known bathroom in the same building
7. Walk slowly and purposefully
8. Briefly greet with a tap of the papers you are carrying, but do not stop, if you encounter a superior (platitudes about how busy or how much work you have are acceptable)
9. Arrive at destination bathroom
10. Repeat as necessary
Total time killed: ~5 minutes per loop (depending on proximity of bathrooms)
"Wrong Room" Variant: If you are a germophobe, you can accomplish the same effect by appearing to look for the conference room your latest meeting is being held in. Substitute "conference room" for "bathroom" and instead of saying "Full house" say "Wrong room."
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