Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.5
Welcome to yet another installment of Elegant Slacker Magazine.
This week, in addition to our weekly vocabulary enhancers, we delve into the world of
Ethical Challengers to Elegant Slacking. This piece speaks from the heart of elegant
slackers, reaching out to the new ES or old ES facing difficulties in the elegant slacking.
Our weekly time killer takes a turn for the technical as we present the Virus Killer.
But let's start the way we always do...Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.
Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week
Word 1: impact (noun or verb)
Meaning (n): the power to affect or have an immediate impression
Meaning (v): to affect or immediately create a strong impression
Example usage (n): The impact of our whitepaper on widgets will be felt by all players in the industry.
Example usage (v): Mandatory status meetings have negatively impacted our available time for slacking.
Notes: "Impact" is an impact word. It conveys strength and importance. Conversely it can be used to weaken a position or stall progress as the "impact" of a certain decision needs to be studied. When coupled with "negatively," "impact" has a kryptonite-like effect to chill any good idea (see example usage above). Word 2: iterate (verb); iteration (noun)
Meaning (v): to continue; to study, slack, work, sleep, build, and do just about anything else in a repetitive manner
Meaning (n): one cycle of studying, slacking, working, sleeping, building or anything -ing
Example usage (v): After the meeting, my team will iterate over the possible solutions.
Example usage (n): One iteration will not be enough to determine the impact, positive or negative, of your proposal.
Notes: "Iterate" is often compared to celery. Both are considered perfect representatives of their respective domains. "Iterate" can be used to refer to any unit of activity, in any realm, at any time and sound perfectly appropriate. An important note on usage is the power of "iterate" is generated from its inherent quality of being cyclical. These cycles should remain unnumbered, infinitely spiraling, onward ever onward.
Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week
"Deflecting Ethical Challengers to Elegant Slacking"
or "Dealing with Guilt" In the beginning, the erudite elegant slacker may face many ethical dilemmas surrounding their chosen course of action. Elementary and primary schooling may have instilled a sense of ambition and achievement which can only be manifested through hard work. Such are the lies we tell our children. Unlearning these falsehoods on how to be successful can be a painful process. Each morning as the elegant slacker looks his or herself in the eye they may be confronted by the voice of their high school sports coach demanding "just a little bit more" or a particularly idealistic teaching pleading "to try harder next time." These thoughts are pure counter-elegance. Studies have shown that pondering these ideas, for even one second, can lower a person's elegance coefficient by 20 - 30 percent. To reverse these negatively reinforced lessons, the ES should first fight the urge to go the extra mile. Walking just a few feet, even moving just an inch, in any direction, is progress and no matter how small it is. We must remember what we've learned throughout history about size. David was much smaller than Goliath and yet David's mark on the world was significant. The most powerful of drugs can have fantastic effects in quantities too small for you or I to see. And the pinky toe, despite it's relative size, is thought to be the key to the human body. Some may point fingers at the person who takes such "slow" and "directionless" attitude towards progress. But haste makes waste. The elegant slacker must have 100% confidence in their decisions and this confidence only comes through a thorough investigation of all possible avenues. After all, the elegant slacker is a cog in the wheel of society and putting stakes in the ground is not their role. The ES is a consigliore, a bed fellow if you will, the eloquent voice of reason against the crashing tides of pseudo-progress. Not everyone can play this vital role, and not everyone can do it with elegance. For these reasons, sometimes, it is best to allow ethical challengers to answer their own questions about "What are you doing?" or "Do you have a clue?" Do they? What authority do these challengers have to call into question your ways. Are they any different than the ultra-motivated person or the plain vanilla slackers? All these groups may exist in a single environment, but the key to deflection is elegance. To stand in the face of any and all challengers with a cultured, calm, and collected demeanor will differentiate the ES from the chaff. Pride can often mar our vision. The elegant slacker is inwardly proud but outwardly accommodating and deferential. Human beings inherently dislike conflict and drama the Elegant Slacker exudes a pace and calm that offers shelter like a harbor against the stormy seas. Be that harbor your biological impulses desire and deflect all that attempts to rob you of your rights and strip you of your responsibilities as a truly elegant slacker.
Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer
"Virus Killer" In today's high tech world, many elegant slackers find themselves at a computer terminal for a majority of their day. This time killer can help you appear concerned with the security of your company's intranet while freeing up those precious slacking moments. Here's how... 1. If you are using Windows, open Internet Explorer, otherwise, skip to step 7
2. Select menu option tools then Windows Update
3. Take your time and carefully consider any updates that might be needed to keep your computer safe!
4. Print out install instructions and any other license agreements, how to's, etc.
5. Continue to install updates, one at a time to be sure they don't cause any harm to your system
6. Repeat steps 1-4 as necessary
7. Your computer should have anti-virus software installed, open it
8. Select the option which allows you to scan your computer manually
9. Start a custom scan starting at your root directory (usually c:\)
10. Appear concerned as the scan continues
11. If questioned what you are doing, reply "My computer's been acting funny. I'm running a scan just to be safe."
12. Repeat steps 7-10 as necessary Notes: If you somehow manage to mangle the configuration on your computer, you will have achieved some extra slack time as you now require expert assistance to get your deck back and running. While it is not elegant to purposely damage your computer, inadvertent misconfiguration as a result of trying to do the right thing is allowed. Your print outs of the instructions and other documentation will serve as evidence that you tried to do the right thing.
Meaning (n): the power to affect or have an immediate impression
Meaning (v): to affect or immediately create a strong impression
Example usage (n): The impact of our whitepaper on widgets will be felt by all players in the industry.
Example usage (v): Mandatory status meetings have negatively impacted our available time for slacking.
Notes: "Impact" is an impact word. It conveys strength and importance. Conversely it can be used to weaken a position or stall progress as the "impact" of a certain decision needs to be studied. When coupled with "negatively," "impact" has a kryptonite-like effect to chill any good idea (see example usage above). Word 2: iterate (verb); iteration (noun)
Meaning (v): to continue; to study, slack, work, sleep, build, and do just about anything else in a repetitive manner
Meaning (n): one cycle of studying, slacking, working, sleeping, building or anything -ing
Example usage (v): After the meeting, my team will iterate over the possible solutions.
Example usage (n): One iteration will not be enough to determine the impact, positive or negative, of your proposal.
Notes: "Iterate" is often compared to celery. Both are considered perfect representatives of their respective domains. "Iterate" can be used to refer to any unit of activity, in any realm, at any time and sound perfectly appropriate. An important note on usage is the power of "iterate" is generated from its inherent quality of being cyclical. These cycles should remain unnumbered, infinitely spiraling, onward ever onward.
"Deflecting Ethical Challengers to Elegant Slacking"
or "Dealing with Guilt" In the beginning, the erudite elegant slacker may face many ethical dilemmas surrounding their chosen course of action. Elementary and primary schooling may have instilled a sense of ambition and achievement which can only be manifested through hard work. Such are the lies we tell our children. Unlearning these falsehoods on how to be successful can be a painful process. Each morning as the elegant slacker looks his or herself in the eye they may be confronted by the voice of their high school sports coach demanding "just a little bit more" or a particularly idealistic teaching pleading "to try harder next time." These thoughts are pure counter-elegance. Studies have shown that pondering these ideas, for even one second, can lower a person's elegance coefficient by 20 - 30 percent. To reverse these negatively reinforced lessons, the ES should first fight the urge to go the extra mile. Walking just a few feet, even moving just an inch, in any direction, is progress and no matter how small it is. We must remember what we've learned throughout history about size. David was much smaller than Goliath and yet David's mark on the world was significant. The most powerful of drugs can have fantastic effects in quantities too small for you or I to see. And the pinky toe, despite it's relative size, is thought to be the key to the human body. Some may point fingers at the person who takes such "slow" and "directionless" attitude towards progress. But haste makes waste. The elegant slacker must have 100% confidence in their decisions and this confidence only comes through a thorough investigation of all possible avenues. After all, the elegant slacker is a cog in the wheel of society and putting stakes in the ground is not their role. The ES is a consigliore, a bed fellow if you will, the eloquent voice of reason against the crashing tides of pseudo-progress. Not everyone can play this vital role, and not everyone can do it with elegance. For these reasons, sometimes, it is best to allow ethical challengers to answer their own questions about "What are you doing?" or "Do you have a clue?" Do they? What authority do these challengers have to call into question your ways. Are they any different than the ultra-motivated person or the plain vanilla slackers? All these groups may exist in a single environment, but the key to deflection is elegance. To stand in the face of any and all challengers with a cultured, calm, and collected demeanor will differentiate the ES from the chaff. Pride can often mar our vision. The elegant slacker is inwardly proud but outwardly accommodating and deferential. Human beings inherently dislike conflict and drama the Elegant Slacker exudes a pace and calm that offers shelter like a harbor against the stormy seas. Be that harbor your biological impulses desire and deflect all that attempts to rob you of your rights and strip you of your responsibilities as a truly elegant slacker.
"Virus Killer" In today's high tech world, many elegant slackers find themselves at a computer terminal for a majority of their day. This time killer can help you appear concerned with the security of your company's intranet while freeing up those precious slacking moments. Here's how... 1. If you are using Windows, open Internet Explorer, otherwise, skip to step 7
2. Select menu option tools then Windows Update
3. Take your time and carefully consider any updates that might be needed to keep your computer safe!
4. Print out install instructions and any other license agreements, how to's, etc.
5. Continue to install updates, one at a time to be sure they don't cause any harm to your system
6. Repeat steps 1-4 as necessary
7. Your computer should have anti-virus software installed, open it
8. Select the option which allows you to scan your computer manually
9. Start a custom scan starting at your root directory (usually c:\)
10. Appear concerned as the scan continues
11. If questioned what you are doing, reply "My computer's been acting funny. I'm running a scan just to be safe."
12. Repeat steps 7-10 as necessary Notes: If you somehow manage to mangle the configuration on your computer, you will have achieved some extra slack time as you now require expert assistance to get your deck back and running. While it is not elegant to purposely damage your computer, inadvertent misconfiguration as a result of trying to do the right thing is allowed. Your print outs of the instructions and other documentation will serve as evidence that you tried to do the right thing.
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