Elegant Slacker

Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.12

2006-03-17T08:21:00.000-08:00

Friends, countrymen, fellow Elegant Slackers, it is with a heavy heart and penitent soul we bring our run, here at Elegant Slacker Magazine, to an end. In this Lenten season of self reflection and contemplation, we realized through the diligent and thorough publishing of this newsletter, we have violated the sacred principles we purport to uphold.

There is no elegance in flouting your slacking abilities. There is no slack in regular, timely, formal installments. We are neither elegant nor slackers.

It's not you, believe me. It's our problem. But I hope we can still be friends and maybe go our for a drink now and then, think of the good ol' days. We've saved all your letters and will remember our time together fondly.

For now though, it's goodbye. Sit back, relax and enjoy your own slack.

Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.11

2006-03-10T07:22:00.000-08:00

We are certainly slacking this week. Not only did we take a week off for sipping hurricane's at Mardi Gras last week, but this week we are skipping the vocabulary words for the week. Get yo'self a dictionary lazy dude! Beads! Whoo hoo! Show your... [ed. please note the editors are still on their bender, they need help, not your scorn. we are working to nurse them back to their normal elegant selves.] Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.

Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week

none this week!

Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week "Elegant Photos from Around the Web'"

The Internet is a crazy place. Only through web searching technologies and a keen Elegant Slacker's sensibility can you track down other elegant folks on the web. Alternatively, you can find the less than elegant as well.

This week we present a few snapshots from folks around the web.

Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer "Acronym Soup"

A little bit of TLC never hurt your PPT presentation in front of those CxO's. With this in mind, ES presents a new WTK that can help you burn those precious HOTC by overwhelming the audience with plenty of TLAs, FLAs and nLAs.

1. Find a presentation on which you can base your speech 2. Borrow judiciously from the other presentation, being sure to give credit to the original author in case issues arise. 3. Modify slightly to include as many acronyms as possible. Any three letter word can be made into an acronym. 4. During your presentation, never use the full terminology the acronyms stand for. If someone darest ask, question their general authority with a statement like," How long have you been on the project?" 5. Continue with presentation and only if more than 1/3rd of the room seems confused by a particular acronym should you define what it means. Once the quorum has been met, be sure to always use the acronym and follow it up with the spelled out version so as to appear interested in educating the audience.

Wasn't that lovely? Don't forget to RSVP about the PCP up in LBC before my SUV gets in the HOV!

Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.10

2006-02-23T17:46:00.000-08:00

We are really proud of our work this week. If we could, we'd put it on the refrigerator, but alas, you can't put a magnet on a computer. We learned this lesson many times before. But this week's issue features a different history lesson. Our time killer, well, it's a time killer. Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.

Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week

Word 1: linchpin (n) (alt. linchpin)
Meaning (n): one that serves to hold together a set of elements
Example usage: If we removed the linchpin in the process may fall into disarray.

Notes: When using linchpin, it is extremely important to be sure to properly enunciate all syllables. You may have said," I really wish we had a linchpin..." but it may be heard, by someone with ear wax, damaged tympanum, or ambient noise as "I really wish we had a lynchin'..." This is not elegant, not even in the south.

Word 2: drive (v); drive (n)
Meaning (v): to steer or provide direction for; to navigate
Meaning (n): direction or motivation
Example usage (v): The meeting would have been a wash, had Chad not been there to drive us to resolution.
Example usage (n): Drive sometimes makes some of us continue pressing on, even in the face of utter failure.

Notes: Drive is to the business world what patriotism is to politics. Never should your national loyalty be in question. Similarly, one's drive should never be called into doubt. Even suggesting someone "lack the drive" or "seem less driven" could be the death knell for one's career.

Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week
"Elegant Moments In Slacking History -- 'I am currently otherwise engaged'"

In order to understand the future, one must certainly understand the past. ES has been commended as the paper of record for elegant slacking throughout the ages. In this semi-regular column, we honor those shining moments in elegant slacking history which impact our world today.

Just after the industrial revolution, many workers found themselves trapped in factories with "newfangled" "machines." Tirelessly they labored in front of their mechanical counterparts and would trudge home tired and weary. Slack, let alone elegance, was a scarce commodity.

Managers would demand more and more from their staffs. Historical transcripts from human resource exit interviews showed workers typically being let go for responding to managers with such colorful phrases as "No," "Go to hell," "Bollocks, do it yourself." And of course, there were those employees who were let go for simply refusing to any work.

Then one day, on the manufacturing floor of a small firm on the south side of town, middle manager George McCallum asked Samuel Arliston to sweep the floor. Arliston was alleged to be in conversation with fellow coworkers, entertaining them with a bawdy tale of his previous evening's forays. With a calm, polite, yet forceful voice, Arliston looked McCallum in the eye and said," I'm currently otherwise engaged."

McCallum simply nodded and asked someone else to perform the task. McCallum would later note that Arliston was an "assertive young gentleman" who's "demeanor was an asset to the company" and "should be considered for a job with a lower fatality rate."

And so today we can learn from the lessons of Samuel Arliston and see the wisdom in his cutting edge elegance in slacking.

Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer
"Timely Trivia"

Everyone likes to be an expert, or at least pretend to be one. With that in mind, an elegant slacker can derail otherwise productive conversations or create a buzz that will distract from work and other business place activities using trivia. The key to this time killer is to be sure to use timely and controversial trivia.

1. Browse the day's headlines, last night's television listings, the sports page or other contemporary data sources
2. Discover an angle of inquiry
3. When in the company of others, interject with "Hey did any one..." or "Can any one tell me..." or "What did you guys think of..." and relate it to the data item
4. If the answer is delivered too quickly, ask a clarification question such as "But what do your really think?" or "I am not sure I fully understand can you clarify your answer?"
5. Repeat as necessary, continuing with a slack connector like "Well, it sure got me...and so did [new data item]."
6. Return to step 3

Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.9

2006-02-16T15:41:00.000-08:00

Hopefully this past week was filled with as much love and joy as we had here at ES. An our chocolate, champagne and rose petal hang-over wears off, we present our normal weekly columns. Vocabulary words elegant slackers should be using, and a time killer to help burn those minutes at work. Our feature this week we discuss N.K.O.T.B, the new kid on the block, and provide some insight on how to interact with the uninitiated. Happy Friday! Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.

Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week

Word 1: methodology (n)
Meaning (n): a particular procedure or set of principles
Example usage: Regardless of the outcome, as long as we have a strong methodology, we can consider the project a success. He who defines the methodology defines the elegance and the quality of slack.

Notes: Methodology is a word that can be compared to the idea of the yin and the yang. Externally, to people who aren't involved with the day to day operations, you will "have a strong methodology" or a "proven methodology." The yang, for the peers, your methodology will be in the process of revision or refinement. Studies are popular ways to find "best practices" to include in your methodology.

Word 2: champion (v); champion (n)
Meaning (v): to lead or support, usually a cause or effort, but not necessarily with any direct involvement or responsibility; to root for
Meaning (n): fan or supporter of a cause
Example usage (v): Without someone to champion our elegant methodologies, they will surely fail to be adopted.
Example usage (n): Win, lose or draw, our project's champion will find ways to report our efforts as a success.

Notes: While it is important to have a champion, an elegant slacker should only reluctantly take on the role of being a champion. There is no implicit responsibility other than to root for the initiative being championed, but the potential for failure exists which would be very un-ES-ly. Champion is sometimes used as a synonym for "scape-goat."

Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week
"N.K.O.T.B."

New Kid on the Block. We all know someone who exhibits excellent elegance or the spark of amazing slacker capabilities. We see younger versions of ourselves in these neophytes and our instinct might be to reach out and help them along the path of ES-ing.

Like esoteric traditions of the middle ages, the brotherhood of elegant slacking is a path that people are drawn to, not shown. The process can take years or days, no two elegant slackers arrive at the full embodiment of their ES potential in the same way. In all cases, the mind must be prepared to receive the message of elegant slacking. Early slackers were very excited about their new found freedom and went into the world to spread their message. Carnage on the order and style of plague-like pandemics ravaged communities world wide.

The lesson history teaches us is that it is neither the responsibility or duty of elegant slackers to initiate and guide the novice, would-be elegant slackers. Economic theory of supply and demand are the simplest means for arguing why helping bring more elegant slackers into the fold is counter to the very tenets of being an elegant slacker.

Bringing more elegant slackers into the world, reduces the demand for these highly important positions. The competition for the few positions that exist will also increase. If one needs to actually work on being elegant and struggle to find slack, the entire system could potentially collapse under the weight of its own "success."

The elegant slacker should be like a lone wolf. They should guard their territory and if challenged, should yield to the stronger wolf and seek new pastures. So next time you see the bright eyes of a budding elegant slacker, try to squash their slacking ambitions by any means necessary lest you find a new place to work your elegant slacker ways.

Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer
"Choose Your Own Time Killer"

We at Elegant Slacker have fond memories of a childhood book series called Choose Your Own Adventure. The books allowed the reader to choose the direction the story follows at "critical" plot junctures. In the spirit of our lost innocence, we present the "Choose Your Own Time Killer" time killer.

1. Contemplate, thoughtfully, how you would kill time.
2. Develop a business plan for executing your vision.
3. Execute plan from step 2.
4. Repeat steps 1-4 as necessary.

Notes: The elegance of this time killer is its simplicity. In and of itself, it represents a lot of the philosophies presented in the pages of Elegant Slacker. We have complete and utter faith in your abilities to find a satisfying kill of your time. Chest out, chin up...now you're slacking with elegance!

Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.8

2006-02-10T00:01:00.000-08:00

The world of Elegant Slackers have a new challenge to face. In this week's feature, we present a special report only ES magazine had the nerve to put to press, shedding light on a less desirable attribute of our elegant world. To offset the gravity of our report, the vocabulary enhancers and time killer are in their normal positions, so it's not all bad news this week! Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.

Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week

Word 1: baseline (n); baseline (v)
Meaning (n): normalization, standardization or basis, usually for later measurement
Meaning (v): to generate a normalization, standardization or basis, usually for later measurement
Example usage (n): We will be creating a baseline from which the project will continue to grow. Without a baseline, how will we know where we stand?
Example usage (v): After weeks of baselining, we are still working out the details of our position. Free baselining will not be tolerated, it needs to be a controlled activity with consensus throughout.

Notes: Even if no measurements are going to be made, any undertaking needs a baseline. What form it takes, how it is reported and the elements it is comprised of are entirely arbitrary. The key is to simply have one.

Word 2: decompose (v); decomposition (n)
Meaning (v): to break down or separate of a whole into its essential elements
Meaning (n): a breakdown or separation of a whole into its essential elements
Example usage (v): While I superficially understand your stated position of "no," I think we should decompose your response in order to better understand your intentions.
Example usage (n): This material isn't quite finished yet - I need to take it through another level of decomposition.

Notes: This ES word gives the impression that the material has the "goodness" in it, but it needs to be extracted. Are you the one to do it?? If so, be sure that you are always "decomposing" and in the act of "working on the decomposition." An elegant slacker's work is never done.

Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week
Special Report "What Are Your Shoes Saying?"

Look down...what do you see? Can you hear them? No, we aren't talking about the burritos you ate for lunch, we're referring to your shoes. Studies have shown that over 40% of proclaimed ES-ers have not bought a new pair of shoes in over 2 years. This appalling trend in the ES world only seems to be getting worse as the appeal of ES-ing grows.

Footwear is one of the most important outward signs of professionalism and elegance. Your shoes are the one item of clothing that is visible in all areas of your work place. While seated, standing, walking, and even in the restroom, your shoes are telling people about you, where you've been, your style, your work ethic and so on. Sandy shoes are a telltale sign of beach going. Water logged kicks say to the world," Hey everybody, I like to dip my shoes in liquid!" Beyond the day to day maintenance required to keep these messages under wraps, the shoe itself can speak volumes about you which ultimately impacts your ES status.

Tassel Loafer

The tassel loafer is the classic in elegance. Typically featured in brown, burgundy or black, the tassel loafer speaks volumes towards the wearer's elegance. As you stride, the tassels "tap-tap" the tops of the highly polished, scuff free leather uppers. That sounds echoes through the annals of history and says to all within earshot," I'm here, I'm elegant." And to your trained ES ears, you also hear the soft, sweet and smug follow on of," Let's slack."

Classic Pump

Unlike the tassel loafer, which can be a unisex shoe of elegance, the classic pump is strictly for female elegant slackers. The audible clicking accompanying each step announces your arrival. The lift provided by the heel, increases your height and may also have positive effects on other physical elements (e.g. calf, thighs, buttocks). Enhancing the Beauty Index is always a step towards increasing elegance. Color choices should be appropriately made so as to match wardrobe and accessory choices, as well as an awareness of seasonal norms. Additionally, ES research indicates that one should always think twice about the white pumps. The pump is a double edged sword that can have deleterious effects on your elegance if donned uncouthly.

Sneakers

The sneaker can be a bane to your elegance. Casual Fridays are not something the Elegant Slacker can afford to indulge in lavishly. Sneakers should be avoided if at all possible, however, occasions might arise, for instance long distance traveling, or corporate "bonding" trips to public venues like baseball stadiums, which necessitate trainers. If the event calls for these rubber rascals, select something that is solidly white or black and leather. Canvas, brushed suede, rhinestones and other funky colors might make your feet tingle in the off hours, but during business hours, they may draw attention to you and your feet, ultimately inhibiting your ES-ing.

Flip-Flops

Also called sandals, these open toed shoes are complete elegance killers. There is no circumstance this report can see which would justify wearing these atrocious foot adornments. With or without socks, the flip-flop is a no-no. It is important, however, to refrain from commenting on other people's choice for wearing such shoes. In today's "anything goes" workplace, those mentally instable enough to appear with flip-flops, are often part of the group which has earned what we've dubbed "eccentrically smart immunity." These are the people who are sooo smart (or give the appearance of being so), they can get away with being fashion grease fires, exhibiting irreverence for social norms (e.g. flatulence, suspender wearing) and many other antics that are antithetical to all things an ES stands for. Beware.

Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer
"Book Hunter"

Books are power. The knowledge and information contained in all the pages ever written is bountiful. Learning how to harness all this power is the job of an Elegant Slacker, or at least how to discuss, in theory, how that power might be used. If your workplace is anything like ours, it's probably chock full of books you've never read and probably never will. Today, we present a time killer that unleashes the latent slack in those piles of pages to help you kill some time. We call it the "Book Hunter."

1. Determine a leading author or book title for your field. Amazon.com can be a great reference for this preliminary work
2. Begin asking about this book with your co-workers. "Have you read it?" "What did you think?" being sure to lead up to "Do you have a copy?"
3. If a co-worker does not have the book ask if they know someone who might. Follow this lead.
4. Repeat steps 2 & 3 until book is found or all co-workers questioned.

Notes: The more randomly selected your first point of inquiry is, the less likely you are to find the title you "seek." With this in mind, be sure to select a low probability owner (LPO). These people will typically: 1) be impressed with your initiative to be reading; 2) revere you as a smart person; 3) point you in a less likely direction for finding the book. A second note on this time killer. If you eventually discover a copy of the work, after having the book take up space on your desk long enough to talk about it with your supervisor and a few other co-workers, if the owner did not emblazon their name on the book, begin the "Reverse Book Hunter" where you attempt to hunt the owner of the book down to return it. Again, you will have the opportunity to discuss "this great book you just read," exude the appearance of collegiality, and be recognized as a person who returns things borrowed.

Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.7

2006-02-03T01:41:00.000-08:00

Elegant Slacker Magazine...keep on keepin' on! Our research center has been delving into the details of the key value for calculating Earned Slack Value, the Coefficient of Elegance, and come up with some remarkable findings, which we present to you in this issue. Our weekly vocabulary enhancers make their appearance and a new time killer to help pass your days and nights will surely stimulate even the least elegant slacker. Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.

Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week

Word 1: ontology (noun); ontological (adjective); ontologically (adverb)
Meaning: [we have no clue what this word means and highly doubt anyone else does either, ed.]
Example usage (n): We need to come up with a new ontology for our business. I am going to take the ontology out for a walk. My ontology will be more effective after lunch. Stop being such an ontology.
Example usage (adj): The ontological implications of what you suggest are mammoth. Stop being so ontological.
Example usage (adv): Speaking ontologically, the sales figures from last quarter weren't that bad.

Notes: Just use this word. No one will have the audacity to ask you what it means, but no one will actually be able to give you a firm definition of what it means. If challenged, simply bounce the question back at any foes, "Well, of course it depends on how you define it. How would you define it?"

Word 2: kickoff (noun); kickoff (verb)
Meaning (n): the beginning, start or initial encounter
Meaning (v): to begin, start or initially encounter
Example usage (n): The kickoff was a great source of enthusiasm for the team as we embark on our new endeavors.
Example usage (v): We will kickoff the new project with little fanfare and many sweaty brows.

Notes: "Kickoff," in its noun form, typically refers to some sort of gathering. It is possible to have a kickoff without ever actually having a gathering. Simply passing coworkers and greeting them can be construed as a kickoff [to work]. Kickoffs also can be used to mark even the smallest beginnings, even a simple kickoff to your day is appropriate and, when coupled with meetings and such, can lead to much time killed in a ES-friendly fashion.

Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week
"Adjusted Coefficient of Elegance"

Several weeks ago, Elegant Slacker Laborites Inc presented in this publication, a calculator for determining one's Earned Slack Value. Since then, our mail bags have been filled with inquiries on the value and importance of the Coefficient of Elegance. Our research facilities have taken your comments, criticisms, and crumpets and drilled down into some details on this mysterious multiplier.

The History
The Coefficient of Elegance was first conceived by Sir Fredriecht Nottendoer around the turn of the century. He identified the coefficient while attempting to quantify his role as a knighted individual and why he was neither asked nor compelled to perform any noble works typically associated with his royally anointed brethren. Since then, the coefficient has been used around the world by elegant slack researchers to indicate a relative elegance, and most recently in the calculation of Earned Slack Value.

The Dilemma
For many years, the coefficient's importance has been disputed in the ES world. The problem was first formally presented in another of Nottendoer's studies. Nottendoer was the proud father of 2 children, Greta and Gregor, whom he tried to groom in his elegant slacking ways. Both were elegant slackers, but for some reason, one was much more beautiful than the other and this seemed to affect their ability to slack elegantly. Both had equally high coefficients of elegance, but the siblings did not seem to be equal.


Greta Nottendoer	Gregor Nottendoer

A Solution?
To this day there has not been nor will there be a resolution to this dilemma which resurfaces time and again throughout history. In spite of the seeming futility of continuing to solve this puzzle, our researchers have to continue to march towards a possible solution or at least to document paths that do not work. Below is a table which was published in last month's Quarterly Quasi-Review of Partially Complete Research in Slack and Elegance presenting a new Adjusted Coefficient of Elegance which takes into account a beauty index.

When applying the adjusted coefficient of elegance to the original equation (see below) used by Nottendoer, we see that Greta, who was slightly more attractive than Gregor, was actually a better elegant slacker due to her beauty.

The Future
We encourage all elegant slackers to take heed of our ground breaking work and perhaps one day it will create a significant ripple in the world of elegant slacking. For now, we hope to simply present the issues to allow others to iterate on the problem and perhaps develop ontologies that will assist future generations and help them understand the complex relationship between beauty and elegant slacking.

Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer
"Start an Online Newsletter"

In today's information age, it is important to stay abreast of all the latest happenings in your chosen field. It is also important to communicate this knowledge with other co-workers and superiors. With this in mind, ES presents the "Start an Online Newsletter" time killer. You might think that you have nothing interesting to say, but in actuality, you don't need to say anything in your blog. Some of the most popular weblogs are simply compendiums of interesting things the author found on someone else's site. Simply cite, link and enjoy your new expert status label.

1. Open an account with any one of the free Internet blogging services
2. Choose a clever, yet elegant name for your blog. (e.g. "Active Accountants" or "Weekly [your topic here] Review") 3. Select a sedate, professional template for your blog. (example)
4. Spend as much time as needed to find interesting, provocative web sites that contain the office's buzz words of the moment
5. Post each "hit" as its own entry. Be sure to adjust the date of posting to reflect a posting time after normal working hours or weekend hours. This initiative taking will be viewed positively in certain circles.
6. Don't post all in one day, reserve your material for when times are tough, slow or you are just too in your slack zone to look for new material.
7. Email link to your co-workers, boss, etc. to garner recognition for your efforts.

Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.6

2006-01-26T21:38:00.000-08:00

Welcome to yet another installment of Elegant Slacker Magazine. We worked hard on this week's feature, the Elegant Stickers, so we're not up for much of an introduction. We'll let our work stand for itself. Keeping it simple...Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.

Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week

Word 1: dovetail (verb)
Meaning (v): to fit together, easily
Example usage (v): A low stress, low responsibility profession dovetails nicely with the goals and ambitions of an elegant slacker.

Notes: "Dovetail" is a real feel good word. For some reason, people love things that dovetail. Typically things will dovetail nicely or smoothly. Rarely should dovetailing be done in the negative. However, there can be question as to whether items will dovetail which should be iterated on and drilled into. (see previous issues for usage notes on iterate and drilldown, ed.)

Word 2: stakeholder (noun)
Meaning (n): person of significance or importance; key player; one who has a interest or share in a situation
Example usage (n): The project has several stakeholders who will all be impacted by the outcome of this group's decision.

Notes: "Stakeholder" should not be confused with its homophonic sister phrase "steak holder." There is rarely meat connotations used in conjunction with the elegant form of stakeholder. An elegant slacker should strive to never be a stakeholder, but rather always be in the process of determining who the stakeholders are, or conferring with the stakeholders to understand their positions.

Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week
"Elegant Stickers"

We all need encouragement as elegant slackers. Raising elegant slacker children is almost as hard as those new-fangled sudoku puzzles. To help our ES parents, we feature this week a series of printable stickers to help motivate the young and elegant. These also serve as elegant and simple reminders to the experienced ES to keep on "getting it done."

Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer
"Smoking"

Not including the time off due to smoking related illnesses, smoking can be a great way to slack, albeit slightly less elegantly. The camaraderie built around the smoking urn is an unbreakable bond that transcends organizational charts and salary grades. The connection forged between custodians and CEOs are immediate and lasting when formed under the fire of the cigarette/cigarillo tip.

1. Purchase pack of cigarettes or cigarillos. Select a pack in the mid to upper price range to indicate a discerning, but not bourgeois, smoking habit.
2. Excuse yourself at any moment from any engagement
3. Walk to the designated smoking area, with deliberate but measured pace
4. Upon arrival at area, cordially greet any fellow smokers or non smokers in the area
5. Place tobacco product in your lips
6. Strike match or lighter
7. Ignite tip of tobacco product
8. Drag slowly savoring each elegant moment
9. Nod, laugh and otherwise blend in with any discussion going on. Do not offer any personal information/details/opinion/etc. Simply nod and laugh. Think elegantly.
10. Repeat steps 8-9 as long as tobacco product is still viable
11. On returning to workplace, stop in restrooms, wash as thoroughly as possible. If possible, a toothbrushing is also recommended.
12. Repeat steps 2-11 at most, once per hour worked.

Time killed: 15 minutes per break (possibly 2 hours per work day!)

Notes: The most difficult part about this time killer is avoiding disdain from non smokers. For this reason, it is favorable to make your way to and from the designated smoking areas with caution and stealth.

Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.5

2006-01-19T17:37:00.000-08:00

Welcome to yet another installment of Elegant Slacker Magazine. This week, in addition to our weekly vocabulary enhancers, we delve into the world of Ethical Challengers to Elegant Slacking. This piece speaks from the heart of elegant slackers, reaching out to the new ES or old ES facing difficulties in the elegant slacking. Our weekly time killer takes a turn for the technical as we present the Virus Killer. But let's start the way we always do...Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.

Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week

Word 1: impact (noun or verb)
Meaning (n): the power to affect or have an immediate impression
Meaning (v): to affect or immediately create a strong impression
Example usage (n): The impact of our whitepaper on widgets will be felt by all players in the industry.
Example usage (v): Mandatory status meetings have negatively impacted our available time for slacking.

Notes: "Impact" is an impact word. It conveys strength and importance. Conversely it can be used to weaken a position or stall progress as the "impact" of a certain decision needs to be studied. When coupled with "negatively," "impact" has a kryptonite-like effect to chill any good idea (see example usage above).

Word 2: iterate (verb); iteration (noun)
Meaning (v): to continue; to study, slack, work, sleep, build, and do just about anything else in a repetitive manner
Meaning (n): one cycle of studying, slacking, working, sleeping, building or anything -ing
Example usage (v): After the meeting, my team will iterate over the possible solutions.
Example usage (n): One iteration will not be enough to determine the impact, positive or negative, of your proposal.

Notes: "Iterate" is often compared to celery. Both are considered perfect representatives of their respective domains. "Iterate" can be used to refer to any unit of activity, in any realm, at any time and sound perfectly appropriate. An important note on usage is the power of "iterate" is generated from its inherent quality of being cyclical. These cycles should remain unnumbered, infinitely spiraling, onward ever onward.

Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week
"Deflecting Ethical Challengers to Elegant Slacking"
or "Dealing with Guilt"

In the beginning, the erudite elegant slacker may face many ethical dilemmas surrounding their chosen course of action. Elementary and primary schooling may have instilled a sense of ambition and achievement which can only be manifested through hard work. Such are the lies we tell our children.

Unlearning these falsehoods on how to be successful can be a painful process. Each morning as the elegant slacker looks his or herself in the eye they may be confronted by the voice of their high school sports coach demanding "just a little bit more" or a particularly idealistic teaching pleading "to try harder next time." These thoughts are pure counter-elegance. Studies have shown that pondering these ideas, for even one second, can lower a person's elegance coefficient by 20 - 30 percent.

To reverse these negatively reinforced lessons, the ES should first fight the urge to go the extra mile. Walking just a few feet, even moving just an inch, in any direction, is progress and no matter how small it is. We must remember what we've learned throughout history about size. David was much smaller than Goliath and yet David's mark on the world was significant. The most powerful of drugs can have fantastic effects in quantities too small for you or I to see. And the pinky toe, despite it's relative size, is thought to be the key to the human body.

Some may point fingers at the person who takes such "slow" and "directionless" attitude towards progress. But haste makes waste. The elegant slacker must have 100% confidence in their decisions and this confidence only comes through a thorough investigation of all possible avenues. After all, the elegant slacker is a cog in the wheel of society and putting stakes in the ground is not their role. The ES is a consigliore, a bed fellow if you will, the eloquent voice of reason against the crashing tides of pseudo-progress.

Not everyone can play this vital role, and not everyone can do it with elegance. For these reasons, sometimes, it is best to allow ethical challengers to answer their own questions about "What are you doing?" or "Do you have a clue?" Do they? What authority do these challengers have to call into question your ways. Are they any different than the ultra-motivated person or the plain vanilla slackers?

All these groups may exist in a single environment, but the key to deflection is elegance. To stand in the face of any and all challengers with a cultured, calm, and collected demeanor will differentiate the ES from the chaff. Pride can often mar our vision. The elegant slacker is inwardly proud but outwardly accommodating and deferential. Human beings inherently dislike conflict and drama the Elegant Slacker exudes a pace and calm that offers shelter like a harbor against the stormy seas. Be that harbor your biological impulses desire and deflect all that attempts to rob you of your rights and strip you of your responsibilities as a truly elegant slacker.

Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer
"Virus Killer"

In today's high tech world, many elegant slackers find themselves at a computer terminal for a majority of their day. This time killer can help you appear concerned with the security of your company's intranet while freeing up those precious slacking moments. Here's how...

1. If you are using Windows, open Internet Explorer, otherwise, skip to step 7
2. Select menu option tools then Windows Update
3. Take your time and carefully consider any updates that might be needed to keep your computer safe!
4. Print out install instructions and any other license agreements, how to's, etc.
5. Continue to install updates, one at a time to be sure they don't cause any harm to your system
6. Repeat steps 1-4 as necessary
7. Your computer should have anti-virus software installed, open it
8. Select the option which allows you to scan your computer manually
9. Start a custom scan starting at your root directory (usually c:\)
10. Appear concerned as the scan continues
11. If questioned what you are doing, reply "My computer's been acting funny. I'm running a scan just to be safe."
12. Repeat steps 7-10 as necessary

Notes: If you somehow manage to mangle the configuration on your computer, you will have achieved some extra slack time as you now require expert assistance to get your deck back and running. While it is not elegant to purposely damage your computer, inadvertent misconfiguration as a result of trying to do the right thing is allowed. Your print outs of the instructions and other documentation will serve as evidence that you tried to do the right thing.

Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.4

2006-01-12T17:04:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the fourth installment of Elegant Slacker Magazine. The response continues to amaze us and we are grateful for all the positive mail we've been getting. One fan writes:

"Thank you for making it okay to be an elegant slacker. For years I sat and did a thankless job, with more grace and style than anyone, and my deeds were never rewarded or reprimanded. You have shown me that my seemingly obscure existence is actually a vital part of today's society. Thank you Elegant Slacker! Keep 'em coming."

Thank you kind sir, thank you! This week, in addition to our weekly vocabulary enhancers, we'll sit down with Mann Lockererer who provided exclusive insights found in no other publication. Not to be outdone by the geniuses over at Google, Elegant Slacker Laboratories Inc, brings us their first, of what will hopefully be many, internet application. Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.

Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week

Word 1: synergy (noun); synergetic (adjective)
Meaning (n): the interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects; cooperative interaction among groups, especially among the acquired subsidiaries or merged parts of a corporation, that creates an enhanced combined effect
Meaning (adj): having the properties of a synergy
Example usage (n): Your money plus my elegance are a natural synergy for success.
Example usage (adj): A synergetic relationship exists between elegance and slack that cannot be expressed using mathematical means.

Notes: When referencing any synergy, it is important to be a part of at least one element of the synergetic elements. A synergy can also be something that is in process, for example "exploring synergies."

Word 2: concur (verb); concurrence (noun)
Meaning (v): to agree or be of the same opinion
Meaning (n): an agreement in opinion; cooperation
Example usage (v): Yes Boss, I completely concur with your assessment of the situation.
Example usage (n): We shouldn't start work until we have concurrence on the details of the plan.

Notes: When using the verb form, be sure to align yourself with the popular or least work intensive position. You may not concur with yourself. Concurrence is something that is being worked on, tried for, or arriving at, but never solidly achieved.

Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week
"Interview with an Elegant Slacker"

This week Elegant Slacker sits down for an interview with renowned Elegant Slacker Mann Lockererer. Best known for his continuing work on slacking in the abstract, Mann talks about life, love and being elegant in this explosive face to face conversation!

Elegant Slacker:
	If one wants to become an ES should s/he try to find an ES boss?
Mann Lockererer:
	A colleague and I were discussing this very question yesterday. The Elegant Slacker is sort of a lone wolf. So, I am not sure it matters what kind of boss s/he has.
Elegant Slacker:
	I ask because it seems to me that a lot of the Elegant Slackers that I encounter here at work appear to go "unchecked" by their boss for long periods of time. Case in point: one fellow on the team was told to "study our competitor's product." For three months (seriously!) he never left his office. Finally we were all in a meeting and the topic of what the competitor's product does came up and we looked at him and he just said "I don't know" and never skipped a beat or felt at all exposed. His boss, too, didn't feel like anything wrong had just occurred.
Mann Lockererer:
	Probably an example of the 3rd point from last week's (v.3) issue. The elegant slacker has a feeling of higher power/authority, no need to answer to anyone.
Elegant Slacker:
	Interesting...Changing topics, if an elegant slacker does work, and no one sees it, is the work really done?
Mann Lockererer:
	Unfortunately the work is completed. Like the hands of time, work cannot be undone. Those precious minutes spent toiling are forever lost, never to know the bliss of slackdom. There is a finality to "done work" that implies an ending. "End" is such a negative word. Elegant Slackers should always be "starting," "getting on top of," "drilling down into," etc. All of these do not require any end product whereas to claim completed work is to have tangible evidence of what you've done, good bad or indifferent.
Elegant Slacker:
	Whoa, that's deep. Should an elegant slacker keep a neat desk or a messy desk?
Mann Lockererer:
	Neat desk or messy desk? Hmm...(pauses) I haven't been able to fully realize the virtues of either yet. I am working on a white paper which will drill down into the pros and cons of each. I'll do a very un-slackerish thing here and give you an off the cuff answer of it depends. If you have a desk that is purposefully and elegantly cluttered, it can give the impression of a person who is very busy. However, a clean organized desk leaves no remarkable items which may draw unwanted attention. I'll have to think about that more.
Elegant Slacker:
	Does being a "yes man" include similar concepts as being an ES? People with opposing viewpoints tend to get challenged, questioned, tasked, etc. By being a "yes man" it seems as though you should be able to elegantly slack your way to the top?
Mann Lockererer:
	I am not sure I see the situation in the same light. I think there is very little elegance in being a "yes man."
Elegant Slacker:
	What if being a "yes man" is all just a ploy? Your Elegant Slacker strategy...
Mann Lockererer:
	Perhaps you can use that as a quasi-ES strategy, but I don't think it adheres to the core principles of elegant slacking. As I see it, to be a "yes man" means you have to have a high profile...I am not sure an Elegant Slacker would even want to be in a position to agree to do anything. The essence of an Elegant Slacker is to make the most of what you don't do.
Elegant Slacker:
	Just when I think I get it I get run over by the elegant bus! The amount of information I am trying to gather is too extreme!
Mann Lockererer:
	You're close! Don't stress about it, slacking is a frame of mind.
Elegant Slacker:
	I hear you are working on a new book "The Sounds of the Elegant Slacker?" Can you talk a little bit about what new slacker ground you'll be covering?
Mann Lockererer:
	(laughs) How did you hear about that? Yeah, we are working on some new theories about slacking and the elegance associated therewith. You know, the workplace has a cornucopia of sounds that can be used for elegant slacking. Take the simple act of typing, for instance...
Elegant Slacker:
	...Typing implies productivity...
Mann Lockererer:
	Right! So the louder and more furiously you can type, which is essentially making sounds
Elegant Slacker:
	People will assume you are working!
Mann Lockererer:
	Exactly! We've got our people clarifying the finer points and we'll be working out the details for a release later this year or next.
Elegant Slacker:
	You can be sure we are looking forward to that! Thank you very much Mr. Lockererer for your time, we'll let you get back to what ever it is you pretend to do. We'll be pondering the exceptional embers of elegant enlightenment you've provided today for a time to come. Thanks for stopping by!
Mann Lockererer:
	Thank you, Elegant Slacker!

Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer
"Earned Slack Value Calculator"

Elegant Slacker Laboratories Inc presents their first functional calculator. This useful gadget will help you calculate your Earned Slack Value. If you're pondering a promotion, use this to figure out how you might need to adjust to keep your slacking steady. Find out how just a few extra minutes of slack a day can impact your overall value. Discover the importance of elegance as you improve your coefficient of elegance, see how your value can sky-rocket.

How to use:

1. Select your approximate Organizational Position
2. Enter your average hours of slack per day
3. Enter your Coefficient of Elegance which is a decimal number between 0 and 1. 0 means you have no elegance, 1 means you are quintessentially elegant.
4. Click Calculate ESV
5. Read your Earned Slack Value

Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.3

2006-01-06T04:06:00.000-08:00

Welcome to 2006! We, at Elegant Slacker, hope it will be as slack-filled, but not any more than necessary, as 2005. Celebrating and promoting the best in mediocrity is our job here at Elegant Slacker and we thought you might think about some resolutions for the new year. This issue we'll give you some hints on small changes you can make to improve your elegance and your slacking. Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.

Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week

Word 1: drill-down (noun or verb)
Meaning (noun): long hard deep look; analysis
Meaning (verb): to examine in depth; to take a long hard deep look at something
Example usage (noun): After the meeting I will perform a drill-down on the final analysis Jim has provided.
Example usage (verb): We will need to drill-down into the details in order to determine if indeed you have been elegantly slacking.

Notes: As with many tasks the elegant slacker attempts, a drill-down should never come to completion. You may need to "drill deeper," "pause drilling," or perhaps "come to the surface and analyze the results of the drilling." Whatever your reason, "drill-down" and "complete" are like oil and water, never shall the two be mixed!

Word 2: clarify (verb) [clarity or clarification (noun)]
Meaning (verb): to restate or refine a point to enhance comprehensibility
Meaning (noun): a restatement or refined position on a point to enhance comprehensibility
Example usage (verb): Can you please clarify what the minimum success criteria for the task are?
Example usage (noun): Without clarification from the customer, I will be unable to proceed with my assigned task. Clarity can only be obtained through obsessive and successive drill-downs into the subject matter.

Notes: Clarity has been ranked by Elegant Slacker readers as one of the top defensive words for several years running. Asking for clarification on even the simplest assignments can lead to days if not weeks of slack, deferring those nasty time and attention consuming tasks. From a reader in Boise: "I simply asked my manager to clarify what he meant when he wanted the task 'finished' by Friday. Six weeks later, I'm still slacking away!"

Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week
"Defining the Elegant Slacker"

So what distinguishes the Elegant Slacker from an ordinary slacker? There is an important distinction that must be well understood. Below are some of the key characteristics that distinguish an Elegant Slacker from the ordinary:

Full employment: The term slacker is often associated with someone who is not motivated enough to find a job. An Elegant Slacker must be on the payroll, since the office workplace is the ideal environment in which to make the most of the work you don't do. Actually getting a job may take some effort - something contrary to Elegant Slacker principles. However, the interview process is an excellent forum for refining Elegant Slacker skills. (See the Newsletter, v.2 for some excellent vocabulary tips). Don't be discouraged during your employment search, however. Once you land that job, the slacking can begin in earnest.
No feedback: The disproportionate use of excuses is the trademark of the pedestrian slacker. Most novice slackers ultimately fall into the same pattern: sign up for a task, fail to perform the task, and then attempt to explain/justify the reason for failing. After a few repetitions of this cycle, they soon realize that they are exposed as slackers. They struggle to devise more believable excuses the next time. The cycle soon escalates to the point where the effort needed to contrive excuses can exceed that of the actual work.
An Elegant Slacker never fails at anything, so there is no reason for excuses. There may be "new opportunities" that supercede the "old direction", or perhaps the current activities have reached their "full potential". The ultimate key to avoiding the use of excuses is, of course, to simply avoid accountability altogether. This is the hallmark of the true Elegant Slacker.
Greater purpose: The Elegant Slacker is far too important to be tasked with routine, everyday labor. Strategic thinkers and long-term visionaries cannot be distracted by everyday details. An elegant slacker is an "idea person," and great ideas take time to develop. Those around the Elegant Slacker, especially supervisors, naturally want to allow this time. They are enamored by the possibilities and want to see the great ideas come to fruition. The ultimate realization of the Elegant Slacker's potential is always just over the horizon.

Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer
"Whiteboard Wanderings"

Each week ES presents the latest in time killing tactics, techniques and technologies.

This week we present the "Whiteboard Wanderings" time killer.

1. Completely erase your whiteboard or get a big sheet of paper
2. Begin slowly drawing boxes, lines, letters and numbers
3. Before each stroke, pause to consider how elegant you look
4. At intervals, sit and stare at the whiteboard
5. Continue staring
6. Shake head, nod, make "Ahhh" noises, etc to dispel any neighbors from thinking you are slacking, sleeping or comatose
7. Return to step 1 or 2 as needed

Total time killed: ??? minutes
Notes: Whiteboard Wanderings are a great way to make you appear to be solving some of the company's hardest problems. Be sure to include buzzwords from meeting you might have attended. Consider using different colors to draw attention to these concepts as the managerial passerby will not bother to read the whole thing, but their eyes will be drawn to the highlighted concepts. This technique is also very effective if your handwriting is small, illegible or both. Then no one will be able to question what you've been working on, but it will seem as if you were doing a lot of thinking!

Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.2

2005-12-15T14:50:00.000-08:00

As the sun sets on another slack-filled week, we bid you holiday tidings here at Elegant Slacker. Our readership continues to grow despite the busy season. For this support, we are truly thankful and rejoice for a prosperous 2006. This year end issue we'll give you some Performance Review tips in addition to our normal array of slacker goodies. Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.

Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week

Each week the editorial staff meets for several hours and pours over the ever expanding potpourri of nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. the English language offers. The voting process was voted to be too rigorous and highly inefficient. With that in mind, we turned to a FIFO method for words of the week. Here are the words for this week:

Word 1: Posit (noun or verb)
Meaning (noun): a proposition that is accepted as true in order to provide a basis for logical reasoning; postulate
Meaning (verb): put (something somewhere) firmly; 2: put before; submit; state; put forward; 3: take as a given; assume as a postulate or axiom
Example usage (noun): Your posit that all men are created equal is clearly flawed.
Example usage (verb): Once we posit ourselves as the supplier of choice, we can increase our profits through exploitive behaviour. I posit we improve our revenue stream by Q3.

Notes: When disagreeing with someone, the Elegant Slacker should never use negative contrary words. Typically the Elegant Slacker will suggest an alternative, hopefully one with high slack potential, and can use "posit" to help present the idea, no matter how half baked, in a manner that will garnish the most impressive nods.

Word 2: Leverage (noun or verb)
Meaning (noun): strategic advantage; power to act effectively
Meaning (verb): supplement or provide with leverage
Example usage (noun): The leverage we gained through our jovial lunch with the boss will help ensure our bonus this year.
Example usage (verb): We can leverage the knowledge gained from our white papers to solidify our position with the customer.

Notes: Leverage is a power word. Be sure to use the proper emphasis when saying

"LEV-erage"!

Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week
"End of Year Performance Review Tips"

Elegant Slacker presents these tips to Help you leverage what you haven't done this year to maximize your clout.

0.001 Percent Rule: According to the US Patent Office, if an inventor adds even a marginal contribution to an patented invention, they must be named as an inventor with equal rights to all other inventors. Did you consult a coworker on key initiatives? Did you sit in on a briefing for this year's "golden child" project? If so, then you were part of that success! Claim it!

Quantity over Quality: No manager wants to read through many pages, listing all your annual accomplishments. Make sure you word them positively, but more importantly, list as much as you can. Restate something in a different way, avoid using "and" to join efforts, and add in even the most trivial tasks (e.g. ordered supplies, fixed copier). See the comparison below of two employees who accomplished the same things in a given review period...or did they...

Joe Typical	Elegant Slacker
Finished project xxx Holiday Office Party Coordinator	Project xxx: successful completion of project xxx; successful execution of project xxx plan; designed plan for phase 1 of project xxx; implemented plan for phase 1 of project xxx; successful completion of project xxx phase 1; designed plan for phase 2 of project xxx; implemented plan for phase 2 of project xxx; successful completion of project xxx phase 2; contributor to phase 1 implementation; contributor to phase 2 implementation; Team Building: active participant in office social activities; Holiday Office Party leadership team; Holiday Office Party coordinator; coordinated Holiday Office Party; attended Holiday Office Party; coordinated safe transportation home for (insert manager's name here) and others; Holiday Office Party Break Down Team; logistical support for trash and environmental restoration team; etc. etc.

Joe Typical

Elegant Slacker

Finished project xxx
Holiday Office Party Coordinator

Project xxx: successful completion of project xxx; successful execution of project xxx plan; designed plan for phase 1 of project xxx; implemented plan for phase 1 of project xxx; successful completion of project xxx phase 1; designed plan for phase 2 of project xxx; implemented plan for phase 2 of project xxx; successful completion of project xxx phase 2; contributor to phase 1 implementation; contributor to phase 2 implementation;
Team Building: active participant in office social activities; Holiday Office Party leadership team; Holiday Office Party coordinator; coordinated Holiday Office Party; attended Holiday Office Party; coordinated safe transportation home for (insert manager's name here) and others; Holiday Office Party Break Down Team; logistical support for trash and environmental restoration team; etc. etc.

Success even in failure: For an Elegant Slacker, all experiences are successful. Miss your sales goal? You had a competitive year. Late on assignments? You had competing opportunities to execute on. Too much time off? You weren't in the Bahamas, you were focusing on ways becoming more productive.

Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer
"The After Meeting"

Each week ES presents the latest in time killing tactics, techniques and technologies.

This week we present the "The After Meeting" time killer.
1. Attend a meeting
2. Situate yourself near fellow Elegant Slackers
3. Stay awake during meeting by nodding, an appearing interested
4. After meeting concludes, circle up with your nearby Elegant Slackers
5. Start a discussion about any topic, with care to leverage ES vocabulary peppered with terms used in the meeting
6. Continue discussion until everyone has left the meeting
7. Sustain discussion until enough time has been killed

Total time killed: ~15 minutes
Notes: The After Meeting has so many benefits beyond just killing time. Leadership will see how engaged you were by the material presented when they see you and your elegant friends in heated discussion. Killing time as part of a group spreads the risk of being accused of killing time. The best way to learn how to slack is to surround yourself with like minded elegant folks. The after meeting is a great place to exchange elegant slacker techniques and build trusted slack resources.

Elegant Slacker Newsletter v.1

2005-12-09T11:42:00.001-08:00

Welcome to the end of another exciting week of elegant slacking. We hope it has been slackaliscious as we run up to the "busiest" time of year, the holiday season. This issue we'll give you some tips on Holiday slacking in addition to our normal bevy of weekly columns. Sit back, relax and enjoy the slack.

Elegant Slacker Vocabulary Words for the Week

Each week the editorial staff meets for several hours and pours over the ever expanding potpourri of nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. the English language offers. After heated debate, followed by a double blind quorum, 3/5th majority vote, our most important words that all elegant slackers should try and use were determined. Here are the committee's words for this week:

Word 1: Insight (noun)
Alternate form: Insightful (adjective)
Meaning: clear or deep perception of a situation; 2: a feeling of understanding; 3: the clear (and often sudden) understanding of a complex situation; 4: grasping the inner nature of things intuitively
Example usage: By performing an in-depth study of our competition I hope to gain insight into our potential growth areas.

Notes: Insight should always be coupled with it's cousin "gain." An elegant slacker is constantly "seeking insights," "hoping to gain insights," or "exploring insightful items," but never quite arriving at the full enlightened insight.

Word 2: Inherent (adjective)
Alternate form: Inherently (adverb)
Meaning: existing as an essential constituent or characteristic; intrinsic
Example usage: Inherently, we want to prove that we can succeed. I have an inherent desire for success.

Notes: In its adverbial form, inherently can be used to start any sentence. When coupled with a dramatic pause, it can be a very effective way to prolong your time in the spotlight, collect your thoughts, or just ponder your next opportunity to slack.

Elegant Slacker Feature of the Week
"2005 Holiday Slack Guide"

It's difficult to escape the hooplah around the holidays. The Elegant Slacker will cruise through these busy times though, seemingly effortlessly. Here are some tips to help you slack slide through the season.

Seasons Greetings: The Elegant Slacker will always know how to wish any one of their diverse team members a happy holiday. Try some of these secular and elegant phrases in person on to add a personal touch to your holiday cards.
- Best wishes for this holiday season
- Happy holidays to you and your's
- Enjoy your winter break
- See you on the 26th! (especially effective with superiors)
Gift Giving: Your company is your friend. It can also be the source of amazing Christmas gifts for you, your subordinates and your loved ones. Slip a clock onto your next purchase order. Then have your administrative assistant wrap this gift and immediately gift it to them with the warmest holiday pleasantries you can muster.
Company Party: If your company throws a holiday party, the Elegant Slacker must attend. Free food, free drink, free face time. Be sure to sit at a table with at least one of your managers. Such a low pressure situation will certainly provide an elegant slacker the time to talk about the thing they know most about, not work! Also use the scenario to commit others to awkward engagements that they'd only agree to under the influence of holiday cheer such as a golf "outing" or "power lunch."

Elegant Slacker Weekly Time Killer

Each week ES presents the latest in time killing tactics, techniques and technologies. This week we present the "Full House" time killer.

1. Take a book or folder of important documents
2. Head towards the closest bathroom
3. Enter bathroom
4. Before the door closes, exit
5. If anyone is in the hallway, sigh loudly and say "Full house"
6. Head in the direction of the furthest known bathroom in the same building
7. Walk slowly and purposefully
8. Briefly greet with a tap of the papers you are carrying, but do not stop, if you encounter a superior (platitudes about how busy or how much work you have are acceptable)
9. Arrive at destination bathroom
10. Repeat as necessary

Total time killed: ~5 minutes per loop (depending on proximity of bathrooms)
"Wrong Room" Variant: If you are a germophobe, you can accomplish the same effect by appearing to look for the conference room your latest meeting is being held in. Substitute "conference room" for "bathroom" and instead of saying "Full house" say "Wrong room."

Welcome

2005-12-02T14:00:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the Elegant Slacker. Our mission is simple: slack. To say any more would be against everything we here at elegant slacker stand for.

Organizational Position
Average Slack	hours/day
Coefficient of Elegance


Earned Slack Value